It CAN feel overwhelming....
For many people, separation is a process - sometimes longer, sometimes shorter - a period of genuine grief and many, many feelings and emotions.
I have been asked from time to time how long this process takes, from beginning to end - the psychological and emotional part of it. There truly is no one answer to this question because human being are unique and their reaction to a set of circumstances, including a separation, will likely be very individual. It can be months or even years.
In addition to sadness and grief, individuals may have a sense of anxiety and dread: - “What is coming next?” As many people experience the end of a major relationship once in their lives, they simply do not know what is around the corner - that can upset their equilibrium very significantly and make them feel out of control - the unknown can be very frightening.
Concerns about children, living arrangements, money, possessions, even facing health issues on their own are typical for many people facing separation. In combination, these feelings and emotions can cause one of feel downright overwhelmed - yes - it CAN feel that way.
So what to do? Here are some basic suggestions:
Retreating and hiding is likely not the best approach. There are likely many issues which have tp dealt with, both in the short and long run - delay can sometimes be prejudicial, meaning work against you - if you do not deal with important issues in a timely manner. On my podcast, SANE SPLIT, I devoted a whole episode to delay and how it might affect your case. Consider listening to it for more pointers.
Seek support and here, you have options. Lean on family members, friends, members of your community who might have had similar experiences. If you find that your grief and anxiety are starting to interfere with your ability to face and handle daily tasks, you might consider getting some professional assistance - from a counsellor, therapist or even a doctor. Spiritual support can also be very helpful - from leaders and members of your faith community. I have another episode on the SANE SPLIT podcast devoted to Mighty Supportive Relationships - you may find it helpful.
Name and organize - what do I mean here? Someone very wise once said that separation can feel like confetti falling from the sky and you are trying to catch it all. I use that analogy a lot in my practice. This mad race to catch every little dot of confetti can be very stressful and overwhelming. One way of dealing with the experience is to name the issues, rank them on the basis of priority and deal with them one at a time. One confetti at a time. Some issues will actually need your attention sooner than others. Some issues can be set aside for the moment and dealt with later. This identification and organization can help you manage it all, without being so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of it - all at once.
Seek help or at least advice from experts. Do not guess about legal issue and their impact on your life or those of your children. The internet is not a reliable source of legal or accounting advice. Go to processionals. Information is power. The better you understand what is in front of you, the more control, real control, you will have over your future.
Above all - take care of YOU.
©AJJakubowska